Saturday, June 13, 2009

I said, "I'm on vacation!"

As of Thursday morning, I am officially on summer break, thanks to the fact that I work in a year round school. I have five and a half glorious weeks to do whatever I'd like at a nice, leisurely pace. No longer do I have to rise at 5:30 to get ready for work. Sleeping in is truly one of the great pleasures of being on summer break. That is, unless you live with an old lady greyhound. Lilac has gotten it into her head that she now needs to rise every morning at 5:00. It would be one thing if she just woke up, but no, that's not how it is. This seems to have become our typical morning routine now that I'm on break and looking forward to sleeping in and staying up late to watch the Tonight Show.

Lilac: I need to go out!

Me: It's too early, go back to bed!

Lilac: It's an emergency! Let me out!

Me: I'm not falling for it! Nobody needs to go anywhere at this hour.

Lilac: Let me out or I'll pee in your shoe and shoot you with my laser eyes!

Husband: Dammit, dog! We are not doing this! Go back to sleep!

Me: Would you stop yelling? I'm trying to sleep!

Lilac: I have to go out! I swear to you, bad things will happen if you don't let me out!

Husband: I said go back to sleep! We are not going out now!

Lilac: Alright hounds! It's time to go! Roust the general to lead the troops outside!

Husband: I said no!

Bunny: Oh, wake up and pet me!

Hawk: I have a hair trigger! Take me out!

Blueberry: Zzzzzzzz! (She's not an early riser, either, God bless her!)

(At this point, I should remind you that I moved away from the edge of the bed when these shenanigans all started)

Lilac: Just remember, you've left me with no choice!

Then my husband screams as she touches her nose to some exposed skin on his body, whether it be his back, his leg, his arm or anything else she can find that will get his attention. If I didn't know that it was impossible, I'd swear that she stuck her nose in the freezer for an hour before touching it to the bare skin of her poor, unsuspecting victims. Yes, I have experienced it, and I take measures to avoid a repeat experience. My husband, however, thanks to Bunny's enjoyment of stretching out when she sleeps, sleeps on the edge of his side of the bed. If only he'd get up earlier when she starts, but alas, I digress.

After the cold nose poke, Husband gets up and begins slowly making his way through the dark bedroom while dodging three excited dogs to the door. After he gets to the back door, he calls Blueberry, loud enough to wake the dead, and she gets up, stretches slowly and heads to the back door. He takes them all out, comes back inside to visit the bathroom, gets their food and ambles out to bring them back in, taking his time so everybody can get done with their business. Lilac, inevitably, is standing at the door of the pen. She will watch him take Blueberry and Bunny out of their pen, hook on their leashes and head to her pen. Then she will turn, wander back out into the pen, and finally take care of business. Some emergency!

So, they come back inside to eat, and Husband lays down to sleep for another hour or so on the couch. Lilac sniffs at her food, wanders about and makes herself comfortable on a dog bed so she can take her morning nap. Apparently, we're all just supposed to spend a little time together in the morning! Sweet Morning Dreams, Lilac!


  1. Awwww! What a sweet little old lady! I'm so glad she's not mine, right now - though what I'm doing up at six when there's no dog to wake me, I have no idea! Practicing, perhaps?

    "If I didn't know that it was impossible, I'd swear that she stuck her nose in the freezer for an hour before touching it to the bare skin of her poor, unsuspecting victims"

    Terry Pratchett describe this as the feeling that a small piece of frozen liver has just been pressed against your leg. I think it was in 'Moving Pictures'. And those of us with dogs know exactly what he means, don't we? LOL!

  2. It's true Lilac, us greyhounds have to keep our routines! I've found that whining and roo-ing constantly proves quite effective!


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